Welcome to the Revolution of Average
In a world obsessed with excellence, innovation, and pushing boundaries, one company dares to ask the question: “What if we just… didn’t?” Enter New Standard, the trailblazing enterprise that’s redefining what it means to be utterly, unequivocally average.
The Birth of a Mediocre Idea
It all started when our founder, Joe Schmoe, had an epiphany while watching paint dry. “Why are we always striving for greatness?” he mused, munching on a slice of room-temperature pizza. “What if we embraced the beauty of being just okay?”
And thus, New Standard was born – a company dedicated to the pursuit of the perfectly adequate.
Our Mission: Lowering the Bar, One Step at a Time
At New Standard, we believe in:
- Celebrating the mundane
- Championing the unremarkable
- Elevating the ordinary to new heights of mediocrity
Our team of highly average individuals works tirelessly (well, maybe not tirelessly) to ensure that every product and service we offer meets our exacting standards of “meh.”
The New Standard Difference
What sets us apart from the competition? Absolutely nothing! And that’s exactly the point. While other companies waste time and resources trying to be the best, we’ve mastered the art of being satisfactory.
Our product line includes such instant classics as:
- The “Good Enough” Vacuum Cleaner: It sucks, but not too much!
- The “Mostly Accurate” Wall Clock: Because who really needs to know the exact time?
- The “Sort of Comfortable” Office Chair: Ergonomics are overrated anyway!
Join the Movement
Are you tired of constantly striving for greatness? Do you long for the sweet embrace of mediocrity? Then New Standard is the company for you!
We’re always looking for new team members who embody our core values of indifference, half-heartedness, and a general lack of enthusiasm. If you can fog a mirror and tie your own shoes (most of the time), you might just be New Standard material!
The Future is Average
As we look to the future, New Standard remains committed to our vision of a world where “good enough” is more than good enough. We’ll continue to push the envelope of adequacy, always striving to reach new lows in innovation and creativity.
So the next time you’re faced with a choice between excellence and mediocrity, remember: there’s a new standard in town. And it’s perfectly, beautifully average.